Can't Go On
by wowstars
Summary: Life gets too much for one member of the team, but who? And who will help them? Post Series 1 but without the time travel stuff. LAST CHAPTER NOW UP! Please review. Galex.
1. Chapter 1: Ray

**Hope you enjoy it. Please Rate and review xxx**  


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Chapter 1: Ray

February 1982

"Cracking pair of puppies," Ray boasted to Chris, trying to sound as convincing as possible.

"Yeah, we get the picture Ray," Shaz says, rolling her eyes.

Ray scowled at her, resuming his conversation with Chris. He hadn't really got anywhere near the bird in question. In fact, she had kneed him in the balls and told him that she'd report him for harassment if he ever came within 10 metres of her again. But that didn't stop him telling Chris they'd spent the night together.

"Right you lot," Gene said, coming out of his office and walking over to the whiteboard. "Three women, murdered, all of them raped then stabbed with a small kitchen knife."

Ray looked at the pictures on the whiteboard. "Think they were prozzies gov?" He asked, expecting Alex to lecture him about how not all women who wore short skirts were hookers.

"No evidence to say they were," Gene said, looking at Alex. "DI Drake?" She didn't answer; she was staring off into space, her nails digging into her arm. "Earth to DI Bolly Knickers!" Gene said, raising his voice. "Isn't this the part when you bore us all with your psychiatry bollocks?"

"What?" She said, looking dazed as she snapped out of her trance. "Um..." She ran her hand through her hair, trying her hardest to concentrate. "The killer was most probably a man?"

"Bloody hell! We'd have never figured that out on our own, would we?" He said sarcastically. She scowled at him, standing up.

"I'm going home," she said, getting her jacket.

"Not you bloody are not!" Gene shouted as she walked towards the door. "Drake! Get your bloody arse back here!" She walked out. Ray's mouth fell open. _She can't do that_, he thought, _no way will she get let off again, that's the third time this month!_ Gene stormed off into his office, getting his coat, and followed her, fury blazing in his eyes.

"She can't have the decorators in that much!" Ray said when Gene was out of the door. Shaz rolled her eyes, beginning to type again. R ay picked up his dirty magazine and put his feet up on the table as he knew the gov wouldn't be back for a good while.

* * *

"Cheers Luigi, put it on the tab," Ray said, picking up his pint and walking over to their table. He sat down, eyeing up a woman sat on her own at the other side of the room.

"Don't you think the ma'am has been acting strange recently?" Shaz said to him and Chris, lowering her voice slightly.

"No," he said, barely listening. The woman he was checking out stood up and he did too. "Right, I'm off." Shaz rolled her eyes, carrying on talking with Chris. Ray followed the woman out, licking his lips.

"Alright gorgeous," he said, squeezing her arse and pulling her towards him as she walked into the alleyway next to Luigi's. "Fancy a quickie?"

SMACK! Ray nearly fell over as the woman's fist hit his nose. Bloody hell! He thought as blood began to trickle down from his nose. He could feel it beginning to swell up as she stormed out of the alleyway. "Bitch," he muttered, swaying slightly as he began to make his way home.

"Ma'am?" He said, seeing a dark figure huddled close to the wall. Her head snapped up, her limp, greasy hair falling into her face. She quickly tucked it behind her ear, her hands behind her back.

"Ray?" She replied, smiling weakly. "Are you ok? There's blood all over your face."

"Oh, it's nothing, got into a fight, that's all," he lied, frowning at her. "What're you doing here?"

"Nothing," she said a bit too quickly. "I was, um, just putting my rubbish out."

"At 11:30?" He asked, raising an eyebrow.

"It was making my flat smell," she said. She looked at her watch. "Gosh! Look at the time! I'd best be off, see you tomorrow Ray." She walked away, swiftly moving her hands to her front so he couldn't see them.

Ray frowned the shook his head. _The gov was right_, he thought, _she really is a fruitcake!_ He walked home, his nose throbbing and still pouring out blood onto his face.

* * *

March 1st 1982

"This is the fifth murder Alex!" They heard Gene shout. Surprisingly, she didn't shout back. They would have heard it if she did. "We don't have a single lead! And you, you're just sitting on your bony arse! What's up with you? You're usually the first to come up with some stupid theory! And I can't believe I'm about to say this, but you're usually bloody right!"

There was a long silence then Alex walked out of Gene's office. Her face didn't show the slightest bit of emotion. She simply sat down and robotically filled in the pile of forms on her desk. And when she had finished, she just left. It wasn't even midday yet!

Later that day, Ray realised that him and Shaz were the only ones left in CID, so went to find the gov to ask him about a suspect they'd pulled in.

"Skip, where's the gov?"

"Interview room 7, the one we don't use anymore," Viv replied. Ray walked down the dark corridor to interview room 7.

He approached the door to the room. _The gov won't like it if I interrupt him beating up some scum_, he thought, _I'll look through the window first._

As he walked up to the window, he felt an unknown feeling creep up from the pit of his stomach.

The next twenty seconds happened too quickly.

He looked though the window and gasped, dropping the forms he was carrying.

_Oh no._


	2. Chapter 2: Chris

**Hi guys, just realised I didn't really do much of an intro to this fic. It will have 6 chapters (one for each person) and is about the month before the events that took place in interview room 7. Enjoy xxxxxx**

**P.S. It doesn't have anything to do with 2008 xxxxx**

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Chapter 2: Chris

February 1982

"Shazza! Where's my socks?"

"On the coffee table baby!"

Chris went into the sitting room, looking around for his socks. He found them and put them on.

"Do I have any that don't have holes in them?" He shouted, inspecting the huge holes in both of his socks.

"No baby. Do you want me to get you some?" Shaz yelled back.

"Yeah, get the nice soft ones," he shouted, standing up and looking for his shoes. He stopped at the bottom of the stairs as his beautiful girlfriend walked down them. _She just keeps getting more gorgeous by the day_, he thought, smiling. She never failed to take his breath away and he sometimes wondered what he'd done to deserve her. She smiled back at him then went to look for her bag. Chris sat down and put on his shoes, struggling with the laces at first but eventually he managed.

"Ready to go baby?" Shaz asked, putting her coat on.

"Yeah," he said, smiling and getting his too.

They walked to the station together hand in hand, the soft snow crunching beneath their feet.

* * *

"What happened to your nose mate?" Chris asked Ray, whose nose was red as a tomato and swollen up like a balloon.

"Nothin', just got into a fight," he said, looking away slightly.

"Who with? I thought you were going after that bird in Luigi's?" Chris asked, frowning.

"I don't know, it was dark," Ray said, pretending to be interested in his paperwork. Chris sat down at his desk and started to flick bits of paper everywhere. He flicked a bit at Alex, who was staring off into space again, clutching a pair of scissors. She didn't even notice. He flicked another bit, harder this time. She still didn't notice.

"Ma'am?" He said, frowning. She didn't answer. Gene came out of his office, slamming the door behind him.

"They've found another body," he said to them, scowling and putting his coat on. "Same place as the other three." Chris and Ray stood up, getting their jackets and following him as he walked to the door. "Coming Bolls?"

She snapped out of her trance, frowning. "What?" She said, looking at him.

"They've found another body. You coming?"

"Yeah," she said, picking up her jacket and following him out.

* * *

"Got an I.D. on her?" Gene asked the PC standing with the body.

"Not yet gov," he said.

"Does it look like the same killer as the others?"

"Yes gov."

Gene sighed, looking at the body. Chris walked over to Alex.

"You alright ma'am?" He asked. She didn't answer. She was staring at the body, deep in thought, her eyes not really focusing. "Ma'am?"

"Yes Chris?" She said, rubbing her forehead.

"You alright?"

"Yes thanks Chris, just got a bit if a headache, I haven't been sleeping well recently. Are you alright?"

"I'm good thanks." He said. She smiled weakly at him then walked off behind some trees. He frowned but didn't go after her.

* * *

"Coffee ma'am?"

"No thanks Chris."

"Biscuit?"

"No thanks." She smiled at him.

"Alright," he said, shoving two biscuits in his mouth. He watched his superior officer as she got on with her paperwork, frowning. She had changed loads in the past few months. Her face was now pale and bony and she no longer smiled the dazzling natural smile everybody loved. If she smiled now it was only to be polite of to get somebody to shut up. The blue jeans that had once been so tight it looked like they'd split if she bent over were now baggy and worn. Her hair was limp and lifeless, no longer well looked after and bouncy. She looked like she'd been ill. He frowned, stuffing another biscuit in his mouth, trying to think of a reason why she had changed.

* * *

March 1st 1982

"This is the fifth murder Alex!" They heard Gene shout. Surprisingly, she didn't shout back. They would have heard it if she did. "We don't have a single lead! And you, you're just sitting on your bony arse! What's up with you? You're usually the first to come up with some stupid theory! And I can't believe I'm about to say this, but you're usually bloody right!"

There was a long silence then Alex walked out of Gene's office. Her face didn't show the slightest bit of emotion. She simply sat down and robotically filled in the pile of forms on her desk. And when she had finished, she just left. _Bloody hell!_ Chris thought. _It's only 11:30!

* * *

_

A few hours later, Gene came out of his office. "Chris, you and Bammo go interview the bloke that robbed the post office on Denby Street," he said. "Gay rights protest kicked off again, we need room in the cells."

"Yes gov," Chris said, standing up and following Bammo to the interview rooms.

* * *

"Skip, where's Ray?"

"Interview room 7."

"Why's he in there? We don't use that anymore."

"He was looking for the gov. He went literally two minutes ago, he should still be there."

"Cheers Skip."

Chris turned and walked towards interview room 7. As he walked, he felt a sort of nervous feeling in the pit of his stomach. Like what he used to feel before a date with Shaz.

He rounded a corner to see Ray slowly edging towards interview room 7's window. Ray finally reached the window and gasped, dropping his forms on the floor.

"Ray? What's the matter mate?" Ray didn't answer, he just stood there, staring through the window, his mouth open. Chris walked up to him and peered through the window.

"No," he said softly, dropping the files he was holding. Then he began to shout. "No! N-" He threw up.

_Why?_


	3. Chapter 3: Shaz

**Sorry for the wait, I was busy with school and stuff, the next chapter might be a while too as I'm going away for a bit. Please review, it' what keeps me writing, and thanks for all the positive feedback so far. Enjoy xxxxx :-D

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Chapter 3: Shaz

February 1982

"You coming to Luigi's ma'am?"

"Not tonight Shaz," Alex replied, yawning.

"Ok," Shaz said, smiling. _I wonder why she doesn't go to Luigi's anymore._ She thought, _Luigi's beginning to think she's going off his cooking! It must be at least a month since she's been there. Maybe she has a bloke. She has been looking tired recently. I'll go up and see her tonight and talk to her._

"Coming Shazza?" Chris said, giving her her coat.

"Yeah," she said, putting her coat on. "Night ma'am."

Alex didn't reply; she was deep in thought. Chris and Shaz walked to Luigi's hand in hand and ordered their drinks.

"Is Signorina Drake coming tonight?" Luigi asked hopefully, putting their drinks on the table.

"I'm afraid not, Luigi," Shaz replied, smiling weakly and sipping her Bacardi and coke.

Luigi looked down. "Tell her that if she comes she can have a meal on the house," he said, smiling at Shaz.

"Will do," she said, smiling back.

"Don't think she'll want to come down for one of your attempts at cooking," Chris said. "I can still taste that pasta you gave me the other week." Luigi scowled and shook his head, muttering to himself as he returned to the bar.

* * *

About half an hour later, Shaz stood up, finishing her drink and picking up the bottle of wine she had bought for her and Alex.

"Right, baby," she said, giving Chris a quick peck on the cheek. "I'm going to see the ma'am, I'll be 30 minutes."

He nodded, getting up too and walking over to the bar as Shaz made her way upstairs to Alex's flat. She knocked on the door.

A few minutes passed and Shaz was just about to turn to leave when the lock clicked and the door slowly opened.

"Shaz," Alex said quietly, smiling tiredly at her.

"Hi ma'am, you look like you could do with a drink," Shaz said, holing up the bottle of wine and stepping inside. She went into the kitchen for some glasses, instantly noticing the pile of dirty dishes and an overflowing bin. She opened the cupboards to find them all empty so picked up two of the dirty glasses and gave them a quick rinse under the tap. She goes and sits next to Alex on the sofa, pouring some wine into the glasses.

"There you go ma'am," Shaz said, giving Alex one of the glasses.

"Thanks Shaz. Cheers," Alex said, sipping her wine. They sat there for a few minutes in silence until Shaz spoke.

"Are you ok, ma'am?" She asked her eyes full of concern.

"Yes, of course I am, why wouldn't I be?" Alex replied, frowning.

"I don't know. It's just that you haven't been your usual self recently. You don't come to Luigi's anymore, you're never at work, and the days you are it's like you're in another world. I'm just worried about you, we all are."

"I'm fine, Shaz. I just haven't been well recently. I had a cold, then I had the decorators in, and recently I had a bit of food poisoning. That's all."

Shaz frowned slightly, not completely believing her, but then forced a smile at her. "Good," she said, putting her glass back on the coffee table. "As long as you're ok now."

* * *

"Right, two women, murdered, both raped then stabbed with a small kitchen knife," Gene said, standing in front of the whiteboard looking puzzled. "The first one," he pointed to one of the photos, "was married three months ago, and the second one was to be married tomorrow." He sighed, shaking his head.

"Do you think that's got anything to do with why they were murdered, gov?" Chris asked. "Y'know, like being married recently or just about to get married."

"I don't know, it's a possibility but I don't think it's likely."

"Maybe he has something against marriage," Shaz said, looking up from her typewriter. "Maybe his own marriage broke up and he now hates it so much he feels he has to kill anyone who is about to or has recently got married."

Gene looks at her, surprised. "Bloody 'ell Granger," he said. "You sound like Lady Bolls. But, as much as I hate this psychiatry crap, I think you're on to something." She beams at him, proud of herself, then goes back to typing up reports.

"Right, Chris, Ray, I want you go through all the records to see if there's any recently divorced nutters in the area. Terry, Bammo, find out if there's any divorcees that have just been let out of that institute on Wingfall Lane. Mush," Gene stood up and went back into his office. Shaz looked over to Alex's empty desk. She wasn't in _again _today. Even though she had told her she was fine, Shaz was still worried about her senior officer. _The gov will kill her if she has any more days off, even though he cares for her really, _she thought, then she had an idea. _That's it! The gov really cares for her, maybe I should tell him about my worries, I'm sure he'll listen if it's about the ma'am. _She looked around. Chris and Ray had already gone so they wouldn't ask her why she'd been to see Gene. She stood up, walking over to his office door and knocking on it.

"Come in," he called. She went inside, closing the door behind her. "What is it Granger?"

"Erm," she began, wondering whether she was doing the right thing.

"Spit it out."

"Ok," she took a deep breath. "I'm worried about the ma'am. She hasn't been herself recently, she doesn't go to Luigi's, she's never in work, I can even remember the last time I saw her smile an actual, genuine, smile."

Gene looked down, stubbing out his cigarette. "I know," he said quietly. "I've asked her what's wrong but she just shuts me out, tells me she's fine. I don't know what's up with her. The other day I walked in on her crying in Interview Room 2. She told me to piss off." He chuckled half heartedly. She smiled weakly at him. "Well, thanks for bringing this to my attention Shaz, I'll try and talk to her again." He smiled at her and she walked baack to her desk, shutting the door behind her.

* * *

March 1st 1982

"This is the fifth murder Alex!" They heard Gene shout. Surprisingly, she didn't shout back. They would have heard it if she did. "We don't have a single lead! And you, you're just sitting on your bony arse! What's up with you? You're usually the first to come up with some stupid theory! And I can't believe I'm about to say this, but you're usually bloody right!"

There was a long silence then Alex walked out of Gene's office. Her face didn't show the slightest bit of emotion. She simply sat down and robotically filled in the pile of forms on her desk. And when she had finished, she just left. Shaz sighed. _She's really done it this time, _she thought, _no matter how much he cares for her, he won't let her off again. _

Hours later, Shaz was the only one left in CID. She made herself a cup of coffee then sat down, relaxing.

"SHAZZA! SHAZZA! SOMEONE PLEASE! CALL AN AMBULANCE!" Chris burst into CID, tears streaming down his face.

"Chris what's wrong?"

She dropped her mug and it smashed on the floor.

_I should have done something._


	4. Chapter 4: Gene

**Hiya guys, sorry again for the wait, next chapter will probably be longer as it's the most important chapter. I hope you enjoy it and please review, this took me a whole week! Thanks xxxx

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Chapter 4: Gene

February 1982

"Right you lot, plod found a body on Thackmire Lane," Gene said, pulling on his coat as he walked through CID. "Let's go."

Chris and Ray followed him out of CID and into the Quattro. He looked over at the empty passenger seat. "Where's Bolly?"

"Don't know gov, think it's her time of month, she looked like she was going to cry earlier," Ray says, looking up from a magazine him and Chris were gawping at.

"If she thinks having the decorators in is an excuse not to do any work she's got another bloody thing coming. I'll be ten minutes," he says, trying his best to ignore the worry that came from the pit of his stomach whenever she did anything out of the ordinary. _Had someone hurt her? Is she ok? What if she isn't? What if something really terrible has happened and I didn't stop it?_ He thinks. Why _am I so protective of her? She's just a bird._ But she wasn't just a bird. She was Bolly. His Bolly. Nobody else's, his. And if someone had done something to her, he needed to know about it.

He walks through the double doors of CID, glancing at Alex's empty desk.

"Where's DI Drake?" He asks Shaz.

"Don't know gov," she replies. "I haven't seen her." He storms out of CID. _Where the bloody hell is she?_ He thinks. Out of the corner of his eye her thought he saw someone in interview room 2, so went to look through the window.

He sighs, seeing Alex sat on the table in there, her body shaking and trembling as she sobbed. Her face was drenched in tears, her mascara had run all down her face and her lipstick smudged. Her nose was red and running and her once soft and bouncy hair hung limply at her shoulders, greasy and unkempt. But the thing he notices most is her arms. They are covered in long, deep scratches that he can only just see for the blood. The same blood that her hands are covered in. Anger boils in his blood, causing him to sway slightly. _Who did this to her? I'm going to bloody kill them. No one does this to my Bolly and gets away with it._

He charges into the room. But his anger at whoever hurt her soon turns to concern as he sees the amount of damage that's been inflicted on her.

"Bolly," he says, his voice barely more than a whisper. Her head snaps up and she quickly pulls down her sleeves, wiping her eyes on them as the silky blue fabric begins to turn red.

"Gene," she says, standing up, swaying a little because of the amount of blood she's lost.

He walks slowly towards her, not wanting to scare her or make her think he was going to hurt her too. "Are- Are you alright?" He says softly, wanting nothing more than to wrap her in his arms, to whisper to her that everything would be alright, to promise her that they'd catch her attacker, to help her clean herself up, to protect her. But she looked so fragile. He was scared to touch her because she looked like she'd break.

"Yeah, I'm great," she said quietly, but burst into tears again. He pulls her into a hug, stroking her dirty hair.

"Shhh," he soothes. "It'll be alright, I'm here." He softly kisses her hair, flinching slightly at the smell of it. _Gordon Bennett! She really hasn't been looking after herself_, he thinks. _Either that or she's been hanging out in the sewer. _"Who did this to you?"

She wipes her eyes again. "No one," she murmurs.

"Well what happened to your arms then?" He asks. She looks at him then suddenly starts screaming at him, pushing him away from her.

"Piss off! Get lost!" She shouts, tears pouring down her face again. "I'm fine! Just fuck off!"

"Bolls-"

"No! Piss off! Leave me alone!" She storms out leaving Gene stood there wondering what the hell had just happened. _Bloody fruitcake woman_, he thinks, glancing at the pools of blood on the table and floor. _I should clean it up; she wouldn't want anyone else to know. Wait, Gene Hunt does NOT clean up after stupid loopy women DI's. Not a bloody chance!_

Still, half an hour later, he found himself sat in interview room 2 with a cloth and basin of water, mopping up her blood from the floor. He stands up, pleased with himself. _Mr Muscle would be proud_, he thinks. He turns to leave but spots a small, bloodstained knife in the corner. He picks it up with his hankie and runs his thumb along the blade. _Whoever cut her must have done it with some force; you couldn't cut pizza with this knife!_ He wraps it in his hankie and walks over to Viv.

"I want this sent to forensics for prints," he says, giving it to him. "And I don't want anyone to know about it, ok?"

Viv looks puzzled but does as he's told.

"Where are Chris and Ray?" Gene thinks out loud. Then he remembers. "Shit!" He runs out to the Quattro.

* * *

"Skip, where's DI Drake?"

"Interview room 2."

"Thanks," he practically ran there. He wanted answers. He storms in to find her crying, again. She looked up then back down again.

"Piss off, gov," she mumbles. "What do I have to do to get some peace round here?" He scowls at her.

"I got that knife dusted for prints," he says.

"What knife?" She asks, looking at him.

"The knife that cut your arms."

"What?"

"You heard. And the only prints on it were those belonging to DI Alex Drake." Her mouth falls open. "So, are you going to tell me what happened and who hurt you? Was he wearing gloves?"

She looked away. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Don't give me that bollocks, I saw your arms in this very room, I even cleaned up your blood!"

She stares at him, her mouth opening then closing again as she struggled to decide what to say. "I- I don't know what you're talking about."

He sighs, scratching his head."I don't get it, Bolls. Why won't you just tell me who attacked you?"

She smiles even though her face is still soaked in tears. "Because nobody attacked me," she says calmly. "No if you'll excuse me, I've got paperwork to do." She pushes past him and out of the room. He stands there for a few minutes, staring at the door she had closed behind her.

* * *

As Gene is walking back to his office he suddenly has a terrible idea. _No, _he thinks, _she wouldn't do that. Dozy teenagers do that, not Bolly. _But as he thinks about it the idea becomes more and more believable and he is soon positive that his theory is right. He puts his head in his hands as his own memories come flooding back to him...

"_Gene!" He father drunkenly shouted. He tripped over a pile of dirty clothes and split half or his brandy. "Now look what you made me do you stupid boy! Get here now you bloody idiot!"_

_Gene stumbled over to his father, casting a side wards glance at his unconscious brother on the sofa. He knew what was coming, but he also knew better than to run away, that would only make it worse. A small whimper escaped Gene's lips as his father's fist collided with his cheek, sending him flying across the room. He laid there on the floor clutching his bruised cheek as his father stomped over to him. He had now grabbed a full bottle of brandy and was taking huge swigs out of it. _

"_Bloody... useless... ugly... good-for-nothing... child..." his father slurred, kicking him furiously. Once he had finally had enough he collapsed on the sofa next to his drugged-up brother and started snoring loudly. Gene weakly got to his feet, wiping away the tears and scurrying upstairs. He got to him and his brother's shared room and slammed the door, collapsing on the floor. He felt so angry! He felt like all the anger he had towards his father was filling him up like a balloon and he was soon going to burst. Without thinking he reached for his brother's pocket knife and began to cut his legs, letting the warm blood run down them. He never wanted to stop and soon every inch of his leg was covered in blood and cuts. It felt like all the anger was flowing out of him with the blood. Eventually he stopped and dropped the pocket knife, looking down at his legs. _What have I done? _He thinks. Suddenly angry at himself, he picks up the knife and throws it across the room. _

"_Gene! Gene! What the bloody hell are you doing up there!" His father shouts from the room below. Covering his ears, Gene sobs quietly into the wall...

* * *

_

"Bloody hell! We'd have never figured that out on our own, would we?" He said sarcastically. She scowled at him, standing up.

"I'm going home," she said, getting her jacket.

"Not you bloody are not!" Gene shouted as she walked towards the door. "Drake! Get your bloody arse back here!" She walked out. Gene stormed off into his office, getting his coat, and followed her, fury blazing in his eyes. He follows her out of the station and down the street.

"Bolly!" He shouts after her.

"Get lost you bastard!" She screams, not even turning round. "I'm serious Gene! Piss off!"

He grabs hold of her arm, loosely so he doesn't hurt her, and spins her round. "Bolls, just- just calm down, ok?"

"No!" She screams, yanking her arm away and crying out in pain.

"Bolly! Bolls are you ok?"

"I'm fine, I'm fine." But bloody was already beginning to drip out of her jacket.

"Here," he says gently, giving her a hankie. She snatches it off him and starts dabbing at the blood.

"Your arms still not healed?"

"I don't know what you're talking about. This was you, this was! Grabbing my arm like that!" Even though he knows it isn't true his stomach still turns_. Oh god, what if I have hurt her? _He thinks, he can't help it. She runs off, leaving him stood there like a lemon.

* * *

March 1st 1982

"This is the fifth murder Alex!" Gene shouts. She didn't shout back. She just stands there, her bony, pale face not showing the tiniest sign of emotion. "We don't have a single lead! And you, you're just sitting on your bony arse! What's up with you? You're usually the first to come up with some stupid theory! And I can't believe I'm about to say this, but you're usually bloody right!" When she didn't say anything again he lowered his voice, staring straight into her eyes. "Why can't you just tell me what's wrong? I can't remember the last time you were in Luigi's. Look at you, you're obviously not looking after yourself, I've seen more meat on a veggie's plate!"

She looked down. "Can I go now?" she says quietly.

He scowled. "Yes, go home, and don't bother coming back, you're no use to anyone," he says bitterly. She walks out of his office, shutting the door behind her. He curses himself. _Why do I always say things to hurt her? Why can't I ever say something nice to her when it's obvious she's already upset about something?_ He sits down, lighting up and pouring himself a large scotch.

* * *

After a few hours he starts to worry about her, so gets his jacket and walks out of his office to find her.

"You don't know where Bolly has gone, do you Skip?"

"She went out for a couple of hours then came back, asked not to be disturbed," Viv replies.

"So where is she?"

"Dunno gov, went in the direction of the interview rooms we don't use anymore."

"Cheers Skip." He walks through the double doors to the unused part of the station. He looks in interview room 5. Nothing. Just a few broken chairs and the photocopier. He shuts the door behind him, smiling at the memories of last year's Christmas party. He checks interview room 6 and still doesn't find her. _Where tthe bloody hell is she? _He thinks, approaching the door to interview room 7. _I bet she's bloody crying or something. _Taking a deep breath he slowly opens the door, stepping inside.

His mouth goes dry. He blinks, his mouth open with shock. He sees the empty bottle of painkillers on the table she is standing on. The next thing he notices is the bright red blood dripping from her wrists. As he looks up to her face he sees the rope dangling from the ceiling.

"Alex."


	5. Chapter 5: Alex

**Hi guys! Sorry it took me so long to write this chapter, I've been really busy and also it was very hard to write. It might be a bit hard to understand because basically what I've done is write down all my thoughts and feelings and put them into this fic. Any mistakes are my own. Hope you enjoy it; it's the most I've ever written! :D xxx p.s. Thanks for the awesome reviews, keep 'em coming!

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Chapter 5 - Alex

February 1982

"_NO!" Gene screams as the car collides with her body, throwing her up in the air. She falls back down to the ground with a soft thud. He runs over to her limp body. "Christopher! Don't just stand there like a twat! Phone a bloody ambulance!" Gene shouts to him, cradling Alex in his arms, tenderly stroking her hair out of her face. "Bolls... Alex..." He whispers to her._

"_Gene..." She slurs, her eyelids fluttering. "Gene... I- I'm sorry..."_

"_Don't talk, sweetheart," he says softly._

"_Love... you..." She mumbles as her eyes close for the very last time. A single tear rolls down his cheek as his heart breaks into a thousand pieces...

* * *

_

Alex slowly opens her eyes then shuts them again, hoping that if she closed them for long enough then she wouldn't have to get up. Eventually she gives up and drags herself out of bed. As she walks into the bathroom she looks longingly at her razor blades. _No, Alex, she tells herself, you can't do that. Just don't even think it._ She looks at her messy, greasy hair. _I can't be arsed to have a shower, I'll have one tomorrow._ She gets dressed then goes into the kitchen for some coffee. She runs her hands through her hair, yawning, her eyes never leaving the cutlery drawer. _Resist the temptation, Alex._

An hour later she arrives in CID. She casts a quick glance towards Gene's office, taking off her jacket and sitting down. _I wonder if there's anything sharp in my drawer. I must have something; I'm sure I could probably cut myself with just about anything._ She opens her to drawer and sees a small knife she brought in weeks ago. _No Alex, _she tells herself_, you know you mustn't do that, it's silly. Though it's still better than what you'd originally planned to do with that knife._ She looks around to see if anyone's looking. They aren't; half of them are asleep! Slowly, she takes the knife out of her drawer and hides it up her sleeve. _Go on Alex, you can do it now, you know you want to._ She stands up and walks out of CID and to the lady's toilets to find a sign on the door saying 'Out of Order due to vandalism'. _Vandalism!_ She thinks incredulously. _How the bloody hell can people even attempt to vandalise a police station without being caught!_ She turns around and storms into the nearest interview room, sitting down on the table and rolling her sleeves up. Trembling, she slides the knife across the skin on her arm. Nothing. She tries again, pressing down harder this time. _Oh, come on Alex! _She thinks, getting slightly annoyed at herself for picking a blunt knife. Suddenly she gets really angry at herself and stabs the knife several times into her arm. After about half a minute she stops and looks at her arm. _What have I done? _She thinks, watching as blood begins to drip onto the floor. She's horrified at what she's done, but at the same time it makes her feel better, relaxed, like all her problems were flowing out of her with the blood. She looks at her other arm and before she knows what she's doing she's roughly slicing at that arm too. _Stop Ale_x, she thinks. She throws the knife across the room, her hands trembling. Her body shakes as she breaks down in tears. She wipes her nose with her bloodstained hand. _You know where this is going_, _you're a psychologist, you know the symptoms, _a voice in the back of her head told her. She ignored it. She was absolutely fine and dandy. She didn't need some stupid snooty doctor telling her she was mad, she could look after herself. _Yes, this is just a one off, it won't happen again. _

_Because you'll have done it by then. _

Her thoughts just made her sob more. _Why do I have to think like this? It's not like a have a reason to-_

"Bolly," a voice whispers from the other side of the room. Her head snaps up and she hurriedly pulls down her sleeves, trying to ignore the fact that they are turning blood red.

"Gene," she says, standing up and nearly falling back down again as the loss of blood has made her feel a bit faint. _Shitty shitty shit! _She thinks. _Has he seen my arms_? _Do I look ok? Has he noticed anything? Of course he has you dozy woman! There's more blood on the floor and table than in your body!_

"Are- Are you alright?" He asks softly.

"Yeah, I'm great," she says quietly. _Maybe he cares about you, _she thinks. _No, why would he care about me? He's probably just being nice because he doesn't want to upset me. Yes, that's it, he's just being nice. _She feels her bottom lip starting to wobble_. Alexandra Drake don't you dare cry! _But it was too late, she was already sobbing. She felt Gene's strong arms wrapping around her and cried harder.

"Shhh," he soothes. "It'll be alright, I'm here." Her heart melts as she feels his warm lips pressing on the top of her head. "Who did this to you?"

_Should I tell him the truth? No, he'd just worry. He wouldn't understand either; probably chuck me in Broad moor. _She pulls away from him slightly, wiping her eyes. "No one," she lies.

"Well what happened to your arms then?" He asks. She thinks about it for a second then starts screaming at him, pushing him away from her.

"Piss off! Get lost!" She shouts, tears beginning to pour down her cheeks again. "I'm fine! Just fuck off!"

"Bolls-"

"No! Piss off! Leave me alone!" She storms out, running down the steps of the police station and up to her flat, furiously wiping her eyes as she ran. She closes her flat door behind her and goes into the kitchen to find some wine. She picks up a bottle of red and looks for a glass. _Shit, they're all dirty, _she thinks, looking at the enormous pile of dirty dishes in her sink. _Oh well. _She takes a mouthful from the bottle, sloping onto the sofa. _I should really wash up today. Nah, I'll do it tomorrow, I can't be arsed to do it now. I said that yesterday, and the day before. _She stands up, wobbling slightly, takes on_e _look at the pile and sit back down again. _No way, Hose_. _I think I'll hire someone.

* * *

_

"You coming to Luigi's, ma'am?"

"Not tonight Shaz," Alex replies, yawning.

"Ok."

_I'm so tired; I think I'll have an early night tonight. Not that it'll make a difference if I can't sleep. What else could I do? Eat, have a wash, hire someone to do the washing up, _she thinks. _I'll do it tomorrow.

* * *

_

Alex walks into her kitchen, trying her absolute hardest to ignore the smell of the dirty dishes and overflowing dustbin. She opens her drink's cupboard. _Hmmm, I think I'll have something different tonight, _she thinks, grabbing a bottle of vodka and closing the cupboard, walking back to the sofa. She swallows a large mouthful, not bothering with a glass; she wouldn't have a clean one anyway.

Half an hour and half a bottle of vodka later, Alex is laying face down on the sofa, groaning. _I can't be arsed with this anymore, _she thinks, feeling extremely depressed. She sits up, rubbing her eyes. _Come on, you've been delaying it long enough, things aren't getting any better. _

She walks into the bathroom and opens her medicine cabinet. It's almost empty. She picks up a half empty pack of paracetamol. _Not even nearly enough in there. Time for plan B. _She steps into her shower, picking up her razor blades. _This is it_, _Alex, this is the end. _An image of what she believes her funeral, if anyone could even be bothered to organise her one, would be like pops into her head.

It's in a small church with boarded up windows. At the front is an old, rotting, black coffin that looks like it's already been used. There is only one person at this funeral - the vicar - and even he looks like he'd rather jump off the empire state building into shark infested waters than be there. She sighs, pressing the razor on the skin on her wrists. She begins to slide it across...

_Knock! Knock! Knock!_

She lets out a deep breath, thinking. _Should I just carry on? No, they'd find me before it's too late. I'll answer it. _She puts the razor back; inspecting the small cut it has left on her left wrist, then goes and puts the vodka away. Running her hands through her hair she answers the door.

"Shaz," she says quietly, smiling tiredly at her.

"Hi ma'am, you look like you could do with a drink," Shaz says cheerily, holding up a bottle of wine and stepping inside. She goes into the kitchen and Alex walks over to the sofa, sitting down and pulling her sleeves down over her wrists self-consciously. Shaz comes back with two glasses, smiling to herself. _Blood_y _hell! I wonder where she got them. They certainly can't be mine; they're all dirty! _Alex thinks_. _

Shaz puts down the glasses and pours them both a large amount of wine. She hands a glass to Alex. "There you go ma'am," she says.

"Thanks Shaz. Cheers," Alex says, resisting the urge to gulp down all of her wine. They sit there in silence for a few minutes, sipping their wine, and then Shaz speaks.

"Are you ok, ma'am?" She asks her eyes full of concern.

"Yes, of course I am, why wouldn't I be?" Alex lies, faking a frown.

"I don't know. It's just that you haven't been your usual self recently. You don't come to Luigi's anymore, you're never at work, and the days you are it's like you're in another world. I'm just worried about you, we all are."

"I'm fine, Shaz. I just haven't been well recently. I had a cold, then I had the decorators in, and recently I had a bit of food poisoning. That's all."

Shaz frowns slightly, then smiles falsely. _She doesn't believe me one bit, _Alex thinks, sipping her wine.

"Good," Shaz says, putting her glass back on the coffee table. "As long as you're ok now."

* * *

"Bolly!"

"Get lost you bastard!" Alex screams, not even bothering to turn round. "I'm serious Gene! Piss off!"

He grabs hold of her arm and turns her to face him. "Bolls, just- just calm down, ok?"

"No!" She screams, yanking her arm away and crying out in pain.

"Bolly! Bolls are you ok?"

"I'm fine, I'm fine," she lies, blood already beginning to drip out of her jacket.

"Here," he says gently, giving her a hankie. She snatches it off him and starts dabbing at the blood.

"Your arms still not healed?"

"I don't know what you're talking about. This was you, this was! Grabbing my arm like that!" She storms off home while he stands there looking shocked.

She runs up to her flat and slams the door, running into the bathroom. She takes off her jacket and sits down on the side of the bath, looking at her bleeding arms. They had healed from the time he was on about; she had just shredded them up again. She puts her arms under the tap, washing the blood away. She sighs, drying her arms and going to make herself a cup of tea.

Alex walks into the kitchen and looks at the sink, which is now covered in flies. She picks up a mug, flicking a fly off it, and boils the kettle, searching the empty cupboards for a teabag. Eventually she finds one and puts it in her mug with some milk.

She takes a mouthful of tea and immediately spits it back out again. _Yuck! I think that milk might have been out of date. _She looks on the bottle_. 31st December 1981. Bugger.

* * *

_

Alex shivers in the cold of the night as she makes her way home, making sure to go through the unsafe parts of town and all the dark alleyways. She doesn't know why she's doing it, it's probably something to do with the fact there's a serial on the loose and she can't help but be jealous of those he's killed. She sighs, putting her hands in the pockets of her now baggy jeans and turning into the alleyway down the side of Luigi's.

As she's walking, something shiny on the floor catches her eyes. She bends down to pick it up. Wiping away the dirt on it, she realises it's a small kitchen knife. _Should I? _She wonders_. There's no one around, no one to save you, no one to even notice you're gone. _

Alex moves closer to the wall, leaning against it as she begins to cut her wrists. She gasps slightly as blood splatters out of the deep wounds.

"Ma'am?"

_Shit. _Her head snaps up, causing a few strands of her greasy hair to fall into her face. She quickly tucks them behind her ear and places her hands behind her back.

"Ray?" She says, smiling weakly. "Are you ok? There's blood all over your face."

"Oh, it's nothing, got into a fight, that's all," he replies, frowning at her. _Yeah right, _she thinks, resisting the urge to smirk at him. "What're you doing here?"

"Nothing," she says quickly. A little _too _quickly. _Bollocks_. "I was, um, just putting my rubbish out."

"At 11:30?" He asks, raising an eyebrow.

"It was making my flat smell," she says. She looks at her watch. "Gosh! Look at the time! I'd best be off, see you tomorrow Ray." She rushes away, moving her hands to he can't see them and going to wash off the blood. Again.

* * *

"_...I was working as a waitress in a cocktail bar, that much is true..." _The radio sang as Alex buttered her some toast. She didn't know why, but today she had decided she was going to eat. She still hadn't done her washing up, but at least she could be bothered to eat. She leant against the counter as the radio went on.

_"... That was The Human League with Don't You Want Me. And now for Queen's Don't Try Suicide..."_

As soon as she hears the word 'suicide' her attention turns to the radio.

_"...You need help, look at yourself, you need help. You need life, so don't hang yourself it's okay, okay, okay, okay..."_

_Shut up, stupid radio, _she thinks, switching it off_. _She goes and sits on the sofa, trying desperately to get the song out of her head. But it's no use; she just keeps hearing the same lines over and over again. _"You need help, look at yourself you need help". Do I need help? Who would help me? I can't imagine getting help. I mean, I can hardly just go up to someone and say "I want to die", can I?_

After an hour of thinking about the song, Alex decides it's time for bed. As she curls up into a ball under the covers, a voice in the back of her mind whispers something. _"Gene. You didn't think of him, did you? Maybe he could help..." _The voice trailed off. _Maybe Gene could help. He is my friend after all, maybe he cares. I'll think about it.

* * *

_

March 1st 1982

"DI Drake, my office," Gene says, walking into his office and closing the blinds. She follows, wondering what he wants now. _I will tell him, but not now, later, _she tells herself, getting up and going into his office and shutting the door behind her.

"What's this about?" She asks.

"How are you Bolls?" He says gently, sitting down at his desk.

"I'm alright, thanks."

"Are you sure you're alright?" The concern is evident on his face and Alex's heart beats faster.

"Yes, I'm fine, gov," she lies, avoiding his gaze.

"No, you're not fine," he says, squeezing his eyes shut and rubbing his forehead in frustration. He suddenly raises his voice. "This is the fifth murder Alex!" She didn't shout back. She just stands there. "We don't have a single lead! And you, you're just sitting on your bony arse! What's up with you? You're usually the first to come up with some stupid theory! And I can't believe I'm about to say this, but you're usually bloody right!" She still doesn't speak. He lowers his voice, staring straight into her eyes. "Why can't you just tell me what's wrong? I can't remember the last time you were in Luigi's. Look at you, you're obviously not looking after yourself, I've seen more meat on a veggie's plate!"

She looks down, suddenly having second thoughts about confiding in him. "Can I go now?" she asks quietly.

He scowls at her. "Yes, go home, and don't bother coming back, you're no use to anyone," he says bitterly. She walks out of his office, shutting the door behind her, her face set into an emotionless mask. She doesn't care anymore. If someone robbed everything she owned, she wouldn't care. If she won a billion pounds, she wouldn't care. She just felt numb. _I thought at least he cared, _she thinks, sitting at her desk and beginning to fill out her paperwork. _Nobody cares about me. What's the point? I have to do it today, I can't do this anymore. _She finishes off her paperwork then picks up her jacket and walks out.

* * *

Three and a half hours later she walks into Fenchurch East Police Station for what she hopes will be the last time. She walks up to Viv, forcing a smile.

"Erm, Viv? I'm, erm, interviewing someone in the unused interview rooms, could you make sure I'm not disturbed by anyone?"

"Of course, ma'am," he says, a kind smile spreading across his face.

"Thanks." She walks through the corridor to Interview Room 7. Sighing, she closes the door behind her, putting down her bag and taking off her jacket. The first thing she did was tie the rope onto the wooden beam across the ceiling. When she had done that she took out her paracetamol and her razor blades, placing them on the table.

Then she did it. She swallowed all 27 paracetamol capsules with a bottle of water. She then took the razor blades and cut deep into her wrists, blood dripping onto the floor. She then stood up on the table, moving towards the rope...

"Alex."

She looks over to see her DCI standing there looking horrified.

"Oh, piss off, gov," she says. She pulls the rope towards her.

"Wait! Alex… no… let's… let's just talk about this, ok?"

"There's nothing to talk about, Gene," she says, pulling the rope over her head.

"Yes there is, Bolls. Please don't do this, please," he says.

But it was too late. She had already stepped off the table and there was a sickening crack as the rope tightened around her neck.


	6. Chapter 6: Sleeping

The first thing he did was go to her flat. He was shocked at the state of it, the conditions she had been living in, so spent the next few hours cleaning it. He felt like a poof, but he didn't care. This was for Bolly.

The next thing he did was tell Luigi. The little Italian had run off into the back of the bar, sobbing uncontrollably. Gene sighed. Poor Luigi.

He didn't sleep that night; he couldn't. The image of her hanging limply from the ceiling was imprinted on his brain, making him bury his face in his pillow and sob like a child.

* * *

The next morning he went down to the local Florist's and bought the biggest bouquet of flowers he had even seen. He daren't even look at the price; he just gave the woman fifty quid and told her to keep the change.

Half an hour later he arrives at the hospital, the flowers now slightly battered from being thrown around in the boot of the Quattro.

"Who you here to see, love?" A kind looking woman on the reception asks.

"Alex Drake," he replies, desperately hoping she hadn't been moved to another part of the hospital, especially not the morgue. She hadn't exactly been in a good way when he left last night.

"Room 14 on the second floor, the doctor will be up in a minute," she says, smiling. He mutters a polite "Thank you" and makes his way towards the stairs. _Doctor? Oh god, what if she's died? Or is about to? _A vision of the doctor telling him she isn't going to make it flashes through his mind making his mouth go bone dry. _It's all my fault! What if I didn't get her down fast enough? Oh god. _

He came to Room 14 on the second floor. The door was shut. He hesitates for a minute or so, scared of what he might find on the other side. Taking a deep breath, he opens the door.

"Mr Hunt?"

He turns around to see a nerdy looking doctor in his late thirty's. "Yeah, that's me," Gene says.

"Could I perhaps have a word?" He asks. "In my office." Gene nods and closes the door again, following the doctor to his office.

"Take a seat," says the doctor, gesturing towards a chair across from his desk.

"What's this about?" Gene asks, sitting down and lighting up.

"Alex."

"Is she," he swallows, "dead?"

"No, she's in a coma. It's not looking good for her. I'm sorry."

"No, there must be something you can do," Gene says, begging himself not to cry. _She's gone, Gene, _a voice tells him nastily. _It's all your fault, you told her not to bother coming back, that she was no use to anyone. You caused this. _

"We can make her comfortable and hope for the best, that's all," the doctor says, smiling sadly.

"Can I- Can I see her?" Gene asks, standing up and stubbing out his cigarette in the ash try on the doctor's desk.

"Yes, of course," says the doctor, smiling. Gene picks up the flowers and races to Alex's room.

* * *

"Gov, you got any news about DI Drake?"

"Erm, yes," Gene replies awkwardly, suddenly aware the all the eyes in CID are on him. "I'm afraid it's not looking good. She's in a coma and it doesn't look like she's ever going to wake up. The doctor said all they can do is make her comfortable and hope for the best." Chris puts his arm around Shaz who now has tears running down her cheeks. Gene looks sadly over at Alex's empty desk. He didn't think he'd ever feel worse than what he did when Sam died, but Sam dying was nothing compared to this. Every time he thought of her it felt like his heart was torn into a billion pieces. She _had _to live. She was the one person he cared for more than anyone else, the person he could tell anything. _I need to see her, _he thinks,_ she can't die, I won't let her. _He goes into his office and grabs his coat before walking out the Quattro and driving to the hospital.

* * *

"Come on, Bolls, wake up, you can't leave me, who's going to do my head in if you're not there, eh? Who's going to bore me to death with their psychiatry bollocks? Whose arse am I going to stare at all day long? Come on, Alex, you can get through this. You can't die, you told me so yourself, remember? Edgehampton, in that vault." He chuckles softly at the memory, tracing small circles in the palm of her hand. "You never did tell me whether you were a C or a D cup, did you?" He looks up at her face, sighing. The skin of her face looks so pale in contrast to the purple and blue bruises around her neck. She still has tiny red dots all over her face from the rope being around her neck for so long. He looks at the table next to her bed and notices how many cards she has. He picks up the one closest to him and begins to read.

_Ma'am,_

_Please wake up soon. I know I've not always been your best pal, mostly because I was jealous that a woman had got higher in the force than me, but I really do miss having you around, we all do. CID isn't the same without you, everyone's just doing what they like! So wake up!_

_Ray_

_x_

Gene smiles. Ray was right; CID isn't the same without her. There was no one constantly reminding them of the dangers of smoking and stopping them from knocking ten shades of shit out of suspects. He looks at the other cards. There are ones from Luigi, Chris and Shaz, Viv, Terry, Bammo, Poirot, even one from the Super!

"Alex," he says, holding her hand again. "Alex, if you can hear me, squeeze my hand." He holds his breath, waiting. Nothing. He looks away sadly, not noticing her eyelids flutter open then close again. Sighing, he stands up and kisses her forehead softly. "Goodbye Bollykecks."

He walks towards the door miserably. _She's gone; she isn't going to wake up. What am I going to do? _

"Uuurrgghh."

Gene almost jumps out of his skin. He turns around.

"Alex?"

"G- Gene."

* * *

**I can't believe this is the second to last chapter! Hope you enjoyed. Thank you for the amazing reviews so far, keep them coming, they make me smile :-) xxx**


	7. Chapter 7: The End

**I can't believe this is the last chapter! Sorry for the wait, I had wayyyyy too much to do. Thanks for reading and for all the amazing reviews :-) I think I know what I'm doing next; it's a bit farfetched though oh well ;-) Hope you enjoy the final chapter xxxxx :-D**

**P.S. Ashes To Ashes does not belong to me, neither does the bit at the end (I got the idea from EastEnders Top 40 Wedding Moments [Or something like that, I can't remember exactly])

* * *

**

Chapter 7 - The End

"I bought you some chocolates," Gene says, placing them on the bedside table. She smiles at him. "Thanks," she says, sitting up in the hospital bed. "Um... Gene, there letting me go home tomorrow."

"That's good," he smiles, sitting down on the chair next to the bed.

"Yeah, but they say I need to be supervised... 24/7 really. So... I was wondering... can you...?" She trails off, looking down at her hands.

"Can I what, Bolls?" He asks, confused.

"Can you come and stay with me? Just until I'm feeling better, of course," she looks up at him and sees him smiling, so smiles back.

"Sure," he says, grinning. "Mind you, I do snore so you might have to kick me onto the sofa 'til you get used to it."

"Cheeky bastard," she laughs. "You'll be on the sofa anyway."

He pretends to look hurt. "Well that's not very nice. There are people who would pay billions to share a bed with me!"

"Yeah right," she says, reaching over for the box of chocolates. He smiles as she offers him one and takes a whiskey barrel.

"I knew you'd take that one," she smiles, picking a strawberry one.

"Best one," he says with his mouth full. She rolls her eyes turns her attention back to trying to suck the strawberry filling out without damaging the chocolate.

He raises an eyebrow. "Why don't you just eat it?" He asks, taking another whiskey barrel.

"Because the strawberry stuff tastes better on its own," she says, smiling proudly at the now empty chocolate heart before putting it in her mouth. He smiles, shaking his head. _Fruitcake, _hethinks, shoving the whiskey barrel in his mouth. A nurse comes in.

"Miss Drake, your tablets," she says, giving Alex a small cup containing three pills and a glass of water.

"Thanks," Alex says, smiling and taking her tablets. The nurse goes.

"You got the period pains, Bolls?" Gene asks with a smirk.

"No," she rolls her eyes. "They're antidepressants."

"Oh, sorry."

"It's ok," she smiles.

Ten minutes later the nurse comes in. "Mr Hunt, it's time for you to leave now."

"Yes, I know, you've told me that at the same time of day every day for two weeks now. I think I know what time to go home."

The nurse just sighs and walks away.

"Well, I'd best be off then," Gene says, standing up. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Bye."

_

* * *

_

"Your appointment is at 4pm tomorrow, don't miss it. And you can bring a friend for support if you like," the doctor looks over at Gene, who is punching the button for oxtail soup on a vending machine and swearing loudly, and shakes his head. "You'll need to be comfortable talking about how you feel in front of them, though."

"Ok, thanks doctor," Alex says, shaking his hand and getting her tablets then walking over to Gene.

"Bastard machine!" He kicks it leaving a small dent. "Alright Bolls?"

She presses a button on the machine and it starts to make his oxtail soup. He looks at her in amazement. "Yeah, you ready to go?" She says, smirking.

He takes the cup of oxtail. "Yeah," he says, beginning to walk with her to the exit, still looking shocked.

_

* * *

_

They walk up the stairs to Alex's flat and she gets the key from under the mat.

"I brought some of my clothes up yesterday," Gene says as she opens the door.

"Ok, I've got a spare closet you can keep them in if you like," she walks in and gasps. "What happened in here?"

He looks around. "Oh, come on, I'm not that bad at housework!" She looks at him, her mouth hanging open.

"You did this?" She asks.

"Um... well... I, er... did it the other week, didn't want you coming back to a dirty flat," he looks around nervously.

She smiles. "Thank you, I didn't even think you knew what housework was," she laughs softly, walking into the kitchen and filling up the kettle. "Do you want a cuppa?"

"Yeah, seven sugars," he says, taking off his jacket and sitting on the sofa. She rolls her eyes. _Seven sugars! He won't be able to taste the tea; it'll be like having a mug of sugar and water!_

_

* * *

_

"Alex Drake," the receptionist called.

"Yes," Alex says, looking up.

"You can go through now, it's in room 2."

"Thanks."

Gene gets up. "Are you sure you want e to come in with you?" He asks.

"Yes, please Gene," she looks up at him and he smiles at her.

"Come on, then," he says, walking with her to room 2. They knock on the door.

"Come in!"

They go inside and sit down. The room is small with light blue walls, no windows and a small electronic heater in one corner. The doctor is quite young with black, curly hair and very red cheeks. _Looks like a poofter, _Gene thinks, shuffling about on the small sofa to get comfortable. The doctor begins talking to Alex, asking her loads of question he doesn't even understand, and Gene drifts off into a random daydream where he is Gary Cooper saving Alex from a gang of cowboys.

"...Do you have any experience with this sort of thing, Mr Hunt?"

He snaps out of his fantasy. "Sorry, what?"

"Do you have any experience with depression?"

He looks down at his hands then at Alex, thinking of what to say. "I... I dunno really. I didn't have a good childhood if that's what you mean. I guess I thought about doing what Alex did, but I couldn't leave my old mum, my dad would kill her."

"I see," the doctor says, writing something down on his notepad. "Would you feel able to tell me more?"

He nods. "There isn't really much to tell. My dad was an alcoholic, my brother was addicted to drugs and my mum was too soft to stand up to either of them. My brother died a long time ago, overdosed, and my dad, well, I don't really give a shit what happened to him."

"You say you thought about suicide, did you ever act on these thoughts?"

"No. Well, a couple of times, never tried to kill myself but cut my legs a bit," he looks down at the floor, avoiding looking at Alex.

"How did this make you feel?"

"I don't know... like a bloody big poofter! I... I don't remember," he says, looking up at Alex. She looks concerned, but smiles kindly at him. The doctor nods and starts talking to Alex again.

_

* * *

_

_Six Months Later_

"There you go, Bolls," Gene says, handing her a glass of champagne. "Here's to you getting off them antidepressants."

"Cheers," she smiles. "I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you, you saved my life."

"All in a day's work," he smirks, sipping his drink and placing it on the table. He looks dow at his plate. All set. _I hope this works, _he thinks. He had offered to cook dinner for Alex tonight. Alphabetti Spaghetti; it was the only thing he could cook. He gets up to clear their plates away. He put his plate on top of hers.

"I'm just going to the bathroom."

He runs off to the bathroom. _Oh, I hope he isn't ill, _Alex thinks, picking up the plates and walking into the kitchen. She looks down at the plate and stops. _No, he can't have done this, _she thinks, _can he? _She looks at it again and it clearly reads "I LOVE YOU. MARRY ME."

"Alex?"

She turns around to see Gene standing there nervously and runs up to his, dropping the plates on the floor and capturing his lips with her own.

"I'll take that as a yes then," Gene says breathlessly when she finally pulls away.

"Yes, Gene."

**THE END**

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**I know it was a shit ending but PLEASE REVIEW! I worked really hard on this :-D **

**Thanks for reading and all the amazing reviews :-D**

**My next story will be up soon :-D**

**Naat xxx :-)**


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